s poly is getting suckier and suckier day by day. i really dun want to be one who will work in engine room in the future. i want a life. i want something i can put myself in full use of. i hate those decision made by my parents. in poly, i am suppose to excel in maths and stuff, but iend up exceling in presentation and language and stuff. aerospace electronic is definitely not wat i want. ii always picture myself wearing business suits in cbd area or wearing nice casual while being a designer. but the dream is all gone.i can only picture myself wearing smock icovered with dirty engine oil. its been six months since i actually spoken to a ger in poly. my course has no gers, not that i am lustful or dirty-minded. buit i just miss the accompaniment of the opposite sex.i miss all of them,..steph, joy,joa,jas, ange, miao, wen. u know who are u gals. i miss ur support, i miss the long talk that we had. its seems the distance between me and u gals are getting further. everything in life is getting bland.

it was two days ago, i received my o level retake results. remember the time i told u i cant go to any jc, now my points is 11 now.i can go to any jc i like.but i am not at all happy. in fact, i hate myself more. my heart wanted to go jc, but there is too much things that is stopping me. the possibility of failing a level,the possibility of losing qiaonan and many more.there is just too much to think abt. how i wish i had failed my eng this time round.

i miss nyjc, everything at there. i still remember the time we do the eng presentation, the time we do the debate. the happy times of discussion despite of many conflicts and arguments. the endless time we use to hang out at the discussion room. everything is so great. that then is the life i wanted! at least there is somebody around me to talk to me. to care for me. but in poly. everything is heartless, i am doing stuff i hate.listening to ppl who dun even know my name and dun understand me. i really love u guys at nyjc, how i wish i got my results and appeal to nyjc the nxt few days. but i just dun know. my mind is in a confusion.

i am no longer a player,no longer a table tennis player. i am just someone who has lost his aggresiveness and vibe in everything.i am now a coach that need to bear responsibility at everything i do. when i look at those faces in my primary sch that i teach, i cant bear to leave them, slowly and gradually, they have become frens and confide in my empty life when i was deprived of my jc frens.  i dun bear to leave them for a jc life. but its my future at sake!

i scold them and shouted at them, but i truly care for them. they are just bunch of kids who despite naughty but are all kind hearted.i really dun bear to leave them. it really hurts my hearts to leave. but iare they old enuff to understand my feelings?  my time is getting lesser. i have to decide between jc or poly.i really hate my life. its torturing me. i hate my everything. i am really in a lost. can someone help me to decide this?

god pls help me to decide this. i am just a person without a life. i am living in a world that my parents arranged for me..a world that i hate. when i walk to bugis, i just hope i am one of them. i am just 17,yet i behave like a 30.i want back my old jc life. i want back everything.can u give me? pls.